8w1d

Baby's heart rate was 132bpm today! Still too quiet to record, but give us a few weeks and I'm sure it will be loud enough on doppler for all to hear! I tell y'all, that doppler was THE BEST investment! That thing can ease my mind like nothing else.. I am a worrier by nature so I am constantly having to be talked "off the ledge".. It comes with the territory of being in this IVF game so long, if you have been in it a while, it's because of failed cycles or losses.. With that comes fear and doubt and I have both in spades.. I am doing better the farther we get in the pregnancy though. I think once we hit that coveted 12 weeks I will be doing much better.. I don't let my sister in law know how much I worry, because I don't want HER to be stressed out and worried. I don't even share it with hubs, because I am loving seeing his excitement and joy at all of these "firsts" and seeing all of this through his eyes.. This is what I have always dreamed about. It's enough to bring tears to my eyes every time I see him staring at the ultrasound picture or watching the video for the millionth time. He is SO IN LOVE with this baby already.. And that is what has my fear at it this moment. I don't want anything to happen because I can already see how attached and how much he is looking forward to this baby. I need things to continue on as they have been going. I NEED this to be the real thing for us. I don't know if his heart could take anything less. Sorry to be weird. I just needed to get all this stuff floating around in my head out on "paper".. I FEEL like things are going to be OK this time and that we have finally made it, but until that baby is in our arms, a part of me will always be on edge I think.. Only 32 more weeks to go (I think I can, I think I can!)