Getting Healthy

SO much has been going on with us health-wise, it's been scary! Let me preface this by saying we are BOTH FINE NOW!! But it was still an ordeal none the less.. Also let me say there is going to be A LOT OF TMI so if you don't want to hear about blood, surgery or butts stop reading now..



OK so let me back up to June (*but if I'm being honest, more like a YEAR before that!!) I have had a love hate relationship with going to the bathroom. During my IVF cycle last year and during my induced lactation, I experienced HEAVY rectal bleeding. I did NOTHING about it. I decided if it was serious it would get worse and if it was nothing it would go away. I DO NOT like going to the Dr. I have seen enough Dr.'s and been poked and prodded enough to last me TEN lifetimes! I ignored the issue and it went away.. For a while.... Then, it came back and went away, rinse and repeat on and off for over a year. I attributed it the meds from inducing lactation when it started getting really bad. So I cut of things here and there and it would ease up or go away completely. Then I stopped inducing and it was gone for MONTHS! I thought I had beat it! May rolled around and it was back with a vengeance. Profuse bleeding...EVERY....SINGLE...DAY... I still put off doing anything about it until I brought it up to my Mom and she said I should go to the Dr. and said it could be cancer. That scared me! So I put if off a couple more weeks. I finally made an appointment when I could no longer make myself believe it wasn't serious. Apparently it took a while for my brain to register that blood soaking the tissue or pouring out of you when you sit down is NOT ok.. 

So I went to my PCP and talked with her and she said I needed to see a colorectal surgeon. *GULP!* I also asked her to check me for Diabetes, because I believed that I had it. She asked me what made me think that and I replied "I am thirsty ALL...THE...TIME..." As soon as I drink water, I need more. All day long. So she said ok and sent me next door to the hospital to have labs drawn (that's how our insurance works, which is a pain in the ....) I had filled a bunch of tubes and they sent me on my way. And I got my appointment for the butt Dr. a few days later. The "ass man" decided I needed an anoscopy after doing the ever intrusive "finger check" (he didn't even hug me first or give me a cigarette after!) after the "check" and the anoscopy, he diagnosed me with EXTREMELY ENLARGED hemorrhoids! I had 3 in fact. Two were totally internal and one was internal and extended externally. (AWESOME! NOT...) This was the MOST LIKELY the cause of the bleeding!! As MOST women probably know, once you have a baby you have some experience with hemorrhoids. Actually EVERYONE has them (true story!) it's just a matter if yours cause you problems or not... Anywho... So mine were very enlarged and bleeding.. Dr. recommended a colonoscopy to rule out colon cancer, since I am regular. He said it was more than likely the hemorrhoids, but since I am regular and don't strain (this causes the hemorrhoids to swell and give you problems) he couldn't say for certain it was that without looking.

I had the colonoscopy a week later. The worst part of the colonoscopy is the damn prep!! MOST people get to have dulcolax and miralax mixed with gatorade and then sit close to their toilet for the day. Lucky me (lots of sarcasm there) had to do what's called MoviPrep. Why you ask? Because right before my colonoscopy my bloodwork came back and sure enough.. I HAVE DIABETES*! Everything came back OK, with just one polyp removed and a diagnosis of minor diverticulosis so far so good.. He prescribed me a steroid cream with applicator and some pills to take orally for 3 weeks. He said if the hemorrhoids shrank significantly, he could do a band procedure in office that would be less pain than a hemorrhoidectomy. Ok awesome! Gonna do this cream and pill and see ya in 3 weeks!..... 

Three weeks later... NO...DAMN....CHANGE... F*CK!! So my option is now surgery.. I have a few choices.. Staple surgery (F*CK NO!) partial removal (another f*ck no!) and total removal with ligation of the outer hemorrhoid (yes please!) The staple surgery is exactly as it sounds, they cut them out and then STAPLE your incisions closed.. I don't think so! Dr. said sometimes the cut too much and the staples touch the nerves running along your anal canal and that is the MOST sensitive tissue and can cause EXTREME pain. Yeah, you buried the lead there buddy, PASS!! So I chose the very painful surgery but the one with a 2-10% chance of hemorrhoids returning vs. 15% or higher for the bands (which I wasn't even a candidate for anyway!) Surgery was a week later.. Getting prepped for surgery was fine and waiting was ok too. They gave me some awesome drugs to "relax" me beforehand. I LOVE THOSE DRUGS! Something that I can't remember and then a drug called VERSED.. Yeah that right there they should give to people that need to cuss someone out. Once you take it you don't remember what happened. It's used so you don't get scared being wheeled in to surgery (I wouldn't have been but ooookkkk) I don't remember anything that happened after getting that drug. I remember waking up in recovery and being told some stuff but that's all foggy because I was doped up.. (I have NO IDEA why they want to explain things to you when you are in a drug induced state. Like I'm gonna remember ANY of that!) He had my RX filled and the wal.gr.eens dude came back with it and once I talked, walked and peed they let me leave (someone had to drive me home) I was a good girl and had all my questions ready before surgery. 

I did TONS of research on the surgery beforehand so I felt prepared for recovery and knew it was going to be brutal from what I read and the Dr. said it was "pretty painful" so I thought I had a good hold on what was coming. I asked if he would be numbing the area for after and he said yes. I could tell that I was quite numb, so I was ready to get home and get settled on our pull-out couch with my book stack, soft foods, pain meds and cellphone. The first night was great, not much pain and I stayed on top of taking my pain pills like I was told because the numb was going to wear off and I was going to know it. THEY....WEREN'T....LYING.... Hooooollllllyyyyy S#!T!!! Seriously, guys.. WOW.. When the numb wore off, the pain was devastating! Trying to pee was impossible (the nerves and muscles are very close to your bladder so this causes your bladder to seize up and yeah, no pee pee for you!) so I just crawled back to the bed with help (walking unassisted was not possible) This continued on for a day. I finally could pee after again about a day later.. Day 2 was sucky as well.. Now day 3? That is the day I contemplated suicide. I wish I was kidding.. I am not.. Something they neglect to tell you is the pain medication will TOTALLY constipate you. ESPECIALLY if you taking it as directed.. They say it MAY constipate you so stay on the high fiber diet for a couple weeks. NO, it is definitely going to constipate you and you better drink as much Metamu.cil and pop Dul.colax like it's going out of style! And eat NOTHING solid. Oh back to the suicidal thoughts. Yes, that was go to the bathroom day. You see, you HAVE to go poop by day 3. If you don't you ask? Another trip back to the hospital where they go in and GET IT. Yeah I don't think so, I was making this happen!

Once you have the surgery, you are NOT to strain or you will wish you for a fate worse than death.. So I decided I was NOT going to strain.. HAHAHAHA, yeah right! The BEST thing they told me to get was a sitz bath. This was like my best friend. I still look at it lovingly.. You sit on that thing with the warm water flowing and your butt is ALMOST your friend again.. ALMOST I say, because you still have stitches and pain and swelling AND constipation.. So yeah, long story short of day 3.. I RIPPED MY STITCHES! That is when I pretty much passed out.. After I was totally conscious, I got a bath, cleaned up and laid in bed crying.. Day 4 I ran out of pain meds.. Funny story (not really a funny story coming!) When you are in the hospital they only RX you 30 pills of the good stuff. WHY, when they say take 2 EVERY FOUR HOURS! If you do that, you are going to run out on day 4. The funny part? THEY CANNOT REFILL OVER  THE PHONE OR CALL IT IN FOR YOU! It MUST be picked up because it's a narcotic. AWESOME... So you have to get the kiddie drugs until your follow up appointment because that can be called in. (Or you dig in the cabinet and find the good stuff that you were RX from your egg retrieval the year before and take that since it's the same as the RX you got when you left the hospital SCORE!!!) That's about all I will bore you with on the surgery, because the next 10-15 days was MORE OF THE SAME.. Pain..Crying..Sleeping..Struggling to go to the bathroom.. Rinse and repeat.. About Day 20 or so I felt ALMOST like I could get some stuff done around the house and that was a mistake. I set my self back about a week in my recovery. So all of July and the first couple weeks of August were a painful blur.. 


BUT... I am all healed up now and no more bleeding issues! I can ALMOST go to the bathroom without any pain but that's expected for about another couple of months. It's MINIMAL pain now, like a 1-2 on scale of 1-10 and that isn't even all the time.. SO that's the medical stuff I have been dealing with lately.. My next post? Coming shortly..


*Separate post coming up on this in a few!