Saturday, August 20, 2011

Sooo. Why don't you just adopt??

BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO, THAT'S WHY, DAMN!! Yep, that's what I feel like saying to people that ask this question.. And honestly? We really don't want to! The reason we are going through all of this is so dh can have a BIOLOGICAL child, dumbass! I guess I assume most people I know or I have told our story to have some semblance of intelligence, but I think I am wrong.. Some people I have had to tell by default, like if I ask them to keep an eye out on my kids (yes they are teenagers, but still I am no fool!) or let my dogs out while I am out of town, etc. And those people or even some others that know our frustration with trying, think this comment is helpful.. NEWSFLASH: IT'S NOT!! OK I fell off my point for a second there.. Back on track now.. Ahem: The reason we are going through all of the needles, labs, lawyers, head shrinking, traveling, decimating of our bank account and life savings is for dh to have a biological child. Since I already have two biological children and he is "technically" their stepfather yes we have "raised" children together since the boys were in pre-k and 1st grade and he is the only father that they claim and he loves them like they are his own, STILL it isn't the same.. They don't look like him and since he knows my ex-husband he definitely knows they act like him (yes I think that whole nature/nuture thing is BULLSHIT. My kids only lived with the ex-hubby for less than 3-4 years including being born and they act like him A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!). So he basically missed out on 0-5 of child rearing. Aside from this important aspect. He also has NO CHILDREN of his own.. To adopt in my opinion leaves him in the same situation he is in now.. Raising a child that is NOT related to him biologically. I am NOT speaking ill of adoption, AT ALL. If we had no children at all and I had a hysterectomy, well yep we would totally be adopting. But since we have a CHANCE at having a biological child I want this more than I want to breathe. I want it MORE for dh than I want it for myself. I would stab myself a billion more times and eat fire if it meant we would have a baby together. And I know adopting would give us A BABY, but I want dh to see "himself" when he looks at our child. I don't know if any of this is making any sense to y'all.. I talked to dh about donor eggs today.. Because I am not kidding myself thinking there isn't a good possibility that it's my old ass causing the problems and not just the freezing, thawing, refreezing and thawing being the issue.. I know my FSH and AMH are still well within the good range, but still SOMETHING is going on because on the same amount of stims (if not a little more) than my very first cycle 8 years ago, I produced HALF the amount of eggs and that is just the mature ones! There were another 12 that weren't quite mature!! So, um yeah.. In the end dh said no to donor eggs, I think for the same reason that I say YES to trying.. He wants to see "me" when he looks at our child.. I think if I push donor eggs he would say yes because he would do anything to make me smile, and that is just one of the MANY reasons I will probably sell everything I own and then some to make sure we can try until we get our baby.. I just hope this next try is our time... That's all for now..


  1. Tonya, I know exactly where you are coming from and how it feels to be in those shoes. It's why Ash and I continued to try and try and try for 3 frickin years to get her pregnant. I had 3 children of my own and we were raising my (our) granddaugter but it wasn't the same. We wanted a child together, Ash wanted to have a child. We went into debt, we lived in a tiny house, we had a crappy car all so we could fork out the outrageous amount that frozen junk cost us on a monthly basis. BUT when I look at Emma today, our daughter, who looks like me (crazy but somehow she does) but acts like her ma it was worth every sacrifice we ever made. I'm praying for you and your DH!! Don't let them get to you, they just don't know what it feels like to be in these shoes.

  2. A family member asked me the same question. I started to let it roll off my back at first but then it dawned on me that she conceived via IVF. I was all "what you stupid btch? How is it fcking different for you?" My lil' sis was dying laughing trying to drag me from the dinner table while spitting food. Gotta love holidays with the fam :)

  3. Totally get the frustration when people just throw that out there like " Hey why don't you make pancakes for breakfast?" Adoption isnt in EVERYONE's plan. And I think its so rude when people are like " Oh well you can just adopt." Um no, actually its a very difficult and expensive process. I just wish people would think before they speak!

  4. Take the zen approach. Take a deep breath, hold your hands together, close your eyes and visualize..........visualize bitch-slapping them. I promise, works every time!

  5. Bobbie- Yes, they have no idea.. When I explain it (rather rudely, because I'm a bitch! They say "oh I understand!" Umm, no you don't asshat otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation!.. Ce la vie

    K- HAHAHA! Exactly! I had a friend say "well maybe it wasn't meant to be" WHAAT!?!? I think Jesus took control of my hand right before I punched her in to next week! So damn DUMB!

    Sarah- EXACTLY!! OMG, it isn't that easy AND adoption if expensive!! They act like I can go to McDonald's and get a baby at the drive thru and tahdah! Dumbasses!

    George- I LOVE IT!!! That is so hilarious!! That's exactly what I want to do, but I'm afraid I would go on an ass kicking spree! ;)

  6. Some ppl are just idiots, plain and simple. If they have kids of their own, I'd ask them why THEY didn't adopt instead of having their own children!? Fkn idiots!

  7. I hate those "just adopt" comments too! As if you can just walk down to the store and pick up a baby. GRRR!!! I try to calmly explain that actually, for us, doing IVF is much less expensive and time consuming than adopting.

    What also makes me batshit crazy is that people don't seem to realize that infertility is a MEDICAL issue. Not psychological, not spiritual, not magical. We can't get eggs and sperm to stick together and stay in me, PERIOD. With every crack whore in the world getting knocked up, you'd think people would get this, but they don't.

  8. Hi Tonya! I just wanted to thank you for all your comments on my blog! They really help and you seem to really know what your talking about :) Question for far along do you think I am? My retrieval was on august conception was that day...and then I did a five day transfer on the 11th? So like 3 weeks? Im just confused by it all! :)

  9. Marissa- methinks they know where I stand now, HA!

    Krystal-HAHA! I will have to use that next time..

    Chelsea- Yeah I always ask them to tell me how easy adoption is, that get's the goofus look and silence,lol!

    Sarah- Anytime sweetie! I answered you on your blog cuz i'm cool like that ;)


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