Sooo. Why don't you just adopt??

BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO, THAT'S WHY, DAMN!! Yep, that's what I feel like saying to people that ask this question.. And honestly? We really don't want to! The reason we are going through all of this is so dh can have a BIOLOGICAL child, dumbass! I guess I assume most people I know or I have told our story to have some semblance of intelligence, but I think I am wrong.. Some people I have had to tell by default, like if I ask them to keep an eye out on my kids (yes they are teenagers, but still I am no fool!) or let my dogs out while I am out of town, etc. And those people or even some others that know our frustration with trying, think this comment is helpful.. NEWSFLASH: IT'S NOT!! OK I fell off my point for a second there.. Back on track now.. Ahem: The reason we are going through all of the needles, labs, lawyers, head shrinking, traveling, decimating of our bank account and life savings is for dh to have a biological child. Since I already have two biological children and he is "technically" their stepfather yes we have "raised" children together since the boys were in pre-k and 1st grade and he is the only father that they claim and he loves them like they are his own, STILL it isn't the same.. They don't look like him and since he knows my ex-husband he definitely knows they act like him (yes I think that whole nature/nuture thing is BULLSHIT. My kids only lived with the ex-hubby for less than 3-4 years including being born and they act like him A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!). So he basically missed out on 0-5 of child rearing. Aside from this important aspect. He also has NO CHILDREN of his own.. To adopt in my opinion leaves him in the same situation he is in now.. Raising a child that is NOT related to him biologically. I am NOT speaking ill of adoption, AT ALL. If we had no children at all and I had a hysterectomy, well yep we would totally be adopting. But since we have a CHANCE at having a biological child I want this more than I want to breathe. I want it MORE for dh than I want it for myself. I would stab myself a billion more times and eat fire if it meant we would have a baby together. And I know adopting would give us A BABY, but I want dh to see "himself" when he looks at our child. I don't know if any of this is making any sense to y'all.. I talked to dh about donor eggs today.. Because I am not kidding myself thinking there isn't a good possibility that it's my old ass causing the problems and not just the freezing, thawing, refreezing and thawing being the issue.. I know my FSH and AMH are still well within the good range, but still SOMETHING is going on because on the same amount of stims (if not a little more) than my very first cycle 8 years ago, I produced HALF the amount of eggs and that is just the mature ones! There were another 12 that weren't quite mature!! So, um yeah.. In the end dh said no to donor eggs, I think for the same reason that I say YES to trying.. He wants to see "me" when he looks at our child.. I think if I push donor eggs he would say yes because he would do anything to make me smile, and that is just one of the MANY reasons I will probably sell everything I own and then some to make sure we can try until we get our baby.. I just hope this next try is our time... That's all for now..